What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
