I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
