So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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