I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
