The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
