is your mom at the bar?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want to make out with him forever
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
