i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Someone came in the potted fern
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
