is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
