is your mom at the bar?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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