I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
