You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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