Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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