he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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