Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
