I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
