when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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