Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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