youre lurking in front of me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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