We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
