My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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