i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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