I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize