Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize