The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize