Kiss
Puke
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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