it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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