Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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