I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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