So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
