This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
