god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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