Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
