I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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