if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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