after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
