Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
