You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
