he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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