Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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