i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
