I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
