marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
