The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
