Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
