Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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