You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
