i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
