Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
