dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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