Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
