so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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