Jerry, you need to find god
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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