I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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