He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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