i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
