Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
