you would pick up someone in the library
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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