I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize