i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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